CHRISTMAS HANGOVERS
The morning after the dram before
A few years ago, the British Medical Journal had fun at the expense of James Bond. From what he drank in the books by Ian Fleming, it calculated that 007 was averaging 92 units of alcohol a week – enough to give him a serious case of the DTs. In his trembling hands every drink would have been shaken, not just those martinis, and it is doubtful he would have been able to shoot straight. And having collapsed into bed, he would wake not in the arms of some beautiful woman, but alone and gripped by the hangover from hell
WORDS: TOM BRUCE-GARDYNE
ABOVE: Nick Morgan
Of course, the Scotch whisky industry would never condone such wanton excess, not with its mantra of ‘responsible drinking’. But with the best will in the world, hangovers do happen occasionally, especially at this time of year. And in fairness to whisky-lovers, a dram of single malt, compared to a shot of that odourless, colourless, tasteless stuff they call vodka, is packed with flavour compounds known as congeners. These impurities give the drink its character and complexity, but they come at a price.
Their amount clearly varies from one bottle to the next. Whisky writer and consultant Nick Morgan says: “I think we all know through bitter experience that if you drink a heavily-flavoured single malt you are far more likely to have a worse headache than if you drank the same quantity of blended whisky.” Within malts, who knows which dram would speed you to a dark place quicker – something pungent and hairy from Islay, or something supple and heathery from Speyside? Age will play a part, and obviously strength.
ABOVE: Dhruv Trivedi and Vandana Vijay from Bounce Back
If you are heading towards a hangover, the real culprit is a highly toxic substance called acetaldehyde. This is what the body initially breaks the alcohol down into before converting it into something less poisonous. The biochemist Vandana Vijay explains that: “As we keep drinking more alcohol the liver struggles to process it, and we get an accumulation of acetaldehyde. This puts our system into overdrive to remove the toxins from our body.”
She describes congeners as “minor compounds of toxic by-products that could be anything from tannins to methanol to fusel oil” and says, that because our organs are busy metabolising ethanol “having to process the congeners as well, adds another stress to the body.”
To try and detox the system, the body calls on its reserves of vitamins, minerals and amino-acids until these are depleted. But help is at hand from Bounce Back , a ‘post-social replenishment drink’ that is packed with these goodies. It was developed by Vandana and her fellow biochemist business partner, Dhruv Trivedi (pictured above). Bounce Back may not be a miracle cure but it certainly softens the blow – that I can vouch for.
Leaving the science to one side, the mention of impurities recalls the famous ‘What is Whisky?’ case of the early 1900s, when the Distillers Co. (DCL) found itself in an existential tussle with the pot still producers who alleged that the spirit from a patent still was somehow impure. The DCL retaliated by launching Cambus, a ‘mild-matured’ seven-year-old grain whisky which it promoted under the arresting strapline: “Not a headache in a gallon”. Nowadays, as Nick Morgan says: “I think you’d find it very difficult to get that past the advertising standards authority.”
The DCL claimed that: “By the process of patent still distillation, the volatile oils which upset the stomach and bring on headache are eliminated.” In truth, if you were to knock back a gallon of Cambus, a headache or an upset tum would be the least of your worries. Far better advice comes from Whyte & Mackay’s former master blender Richard Paterson, who says: “If you know you’ve reached the peak, you need to drink gallons of water, preferably before you go to bed so that you are fully hydrated.”
It is worth remembering that alcohol is a powerful diuretic, and that our sponge-like brain is 70-80 per cent water. Once dehydrated, it will shrink, tugging on the membranes that attach it to the skull. The ensuing pain is a classic symptom of the physical hangover as defined by the writer Kingsley Amis, in contrast to what he called the metaphysical hangover, which is bound up with feelings of shame, remorse and even self-loathing.
The whisky writer Charlie MacLean (pictured above) admits: “To be honest, I don’t really get hangovers. I get tired, and the cure would be to sleep a bit more but then one’s Calvinist consciousness doesn’t allow you to.” There is undoubtedly a moral dimension to the hangover, as the Bible makes clear: “Who hath woe? Who hath sorrow?” Proverbs 23:29-35 demands to know, before leaping in with the answer: “They that tarry long at the wine.”
If that sounds rather Old Testament, that’s because it is, and therein lies a truth about hangovers. Do you give in to that stern inner voice preaching like some presbyterian minister about the wages of sin? Or are you a little more catholic, and more forgiving of yourself?
Here, Richard Paterson (pictured below) has some words of comfort if you find yourself hungover. “You know what you did, and you paid for it, but then again quite often people forget why they did it in the first place” he says. “If I’ve drunk more than usual, it’s normally because I was feeling happy and maybe it was a celebration or a success story. If you put it that way, it is far more acceptable to know that it’s a reflection of what you’ve achieved.”
Perhaps it was simply that you were among old friends carousing late into the night and bound together by whisky’s convivial charms. Sure, there will be consequences in the morning but when it comes, Charlie’s advice is to ponder the wise words of poet William Blake and imagine that you were merely trying to grasp a moment of happiness as it swooshes past.
He who binds to himself a joy Does the winged life destroy He who kisses joy as it flies Lives in eternity’s sunrise
